Family, Fun and Food

Today we attended a Labor Day festival in the town where we used to live. We watched a parade, Aspen's very first. Her favorite part? The fire truck of course. She has loved fire trucks ever since she was about a year old and one drove past us in a grocery store parking lot. The driver spotted her looking at it and turned on the lights for her. She's been hooked ever since.

We spent a fortune on over-priced food and beverages, and savored every single delicious bite of chicken on a stick...



...funnel cakes, pumpkin fudge, and seasoned almonds. Aspen scarfed a corn dog, something she's recently acquired a taste for.



We saw tons of neat arts and crafts. Our favorite booth was an artist known as the Tin Can Man, who makes cool art out of, you guessed it, tin cans. My hubby liked the ships....



But being a total Trekkie (betcha didn't know that about me huh?), the starship was my favorite....



The real highlight of the day though, was Aspen taking her very first pony ride. I thought she would be nervous, but no. In fact, she was so comfortable on her first ride (and her second, and her third!) that the lady who owned the ponies called her a natural. I may have a second horse lover on my hands.



After the festival we went to the home school store over that way for Ashley's fall curriculum. I have to say, I was really disappointed. The owner, who was friendly and helpful on the phone a few days ago, was about as disinterested in helping us as she possibly could be. I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say I won't be shopping there again, ever.

We went with A Beka Biology and have decided to hold off a few weeks on Algebra. We have also decided, after using a placement test, that we are going back to Algebra I which Ashley originally had three years ago. We're planning to use Teaching Textbooks, so we will wait a few paydays until we can save the funds. She is really struggling in this area and so I feel like the investment will be worth it. In the meantime we can devote more time to US History and Biology.

We're planning to take it easy for the rest of the holiday weekend and maybe do our grocery shopping. On Monday we'll do a super clean of the house and then start school on Tuesday.

Stay tuned!

The Long Black Train

Every one of us has our weaknesses, ways the devil can tempt us into sin. It's a downward spiral from there unless we remember to call out to the Lord in our times of temptation, and He will rescue us from the long black train.....



If the sync on this video does not play correctly on your machine, you can view the same video here.

Be sure to visit Then Sings My Soul Saturdays for more amazing musical testimony.

This Little Piggy

We started our farm unit this week with Aspen, and one of the first activities we did was to make a piggy snout. It was super simple and Aspen loves it, and ran around the house imitating a piggy for hours. Adorable.

It's really easy to make. You just take a toilet paper roll, cut it in half and cover one end with masking tape. Then paint it pink. Ours is red because we were out of pink paint. Then we drew nostrils on the end. We ended up cutting holes in them because she wore it so much and couldn't breathe with it on. A string tied through small holes on each side and then tied behind her head held it in place, and she had a ball playing The Three Little Pigs and This Little Piggy in live action.

Here she is, still in character at bedtime....

Signing Off Summer

This is our last week of summer here at Shore's End. This weekend we will be spending Saturday at a local Labor Day festival as a family, dropping off clothes at a children's consignment store, and shopping for the last of the curriculum materials we need for our new school year. After that, although the weather will still be warm for a while here, it will officially be fall in our home and our school.

We're starting Aspen on some additional activities this year, but still not doing any sort of curriculum. We'll be doing short units, starting with a farm unit, and each of the activities we do will somehow relate to that theme. In planning projects and lessons I am trying to use the materials and resources we already have, rather than investing a lot since she's still not yet four. I'm also hoping to plan a field trip for each unit. I'm planning to continue a lot of teaching through play with her. We started some new things this week, like learning to play Go Fish, which she picked up quickly and really enjoys.

Ashley will be continuing with US History, and starting Algebra II and Biology, as well as an elective as yet to be determined. It will most likely be something art oriented, possibly photography. We should be finishing up US History about halfway through the 08-09 school year and we'll then pick up 12th grade language arts. We'll also be working on getting her lerner's permit and practicing driving.

It's hard to believe Fall is nearly here again already. Time has really flown by since we moved to our current neighborhood back in February, and even faster since our oldest daughter moved out in June. It literally seems like yesterday that our lives were totally and completely different.

Looking back I can see the Lord at work. I used to pray earnestly for the Lord to please make it possible for me to stay home full-time. Even though I was only working a few evenings a week for about 3-4 hours, it was not a good situation. Most evenings I would come home after work to a lonely toddler and two teens and a husband all arguing with each other over whose turn it was to babysit and who had the worst attitude and whose fault the present uproar was. It was so disheartening and in spite of my efforts to encourage everyone to work as a team, selfishness won out almost every time. Sometimes as I drove to work I would whisper tearful prayers to the Lord to watch over my family and help them to see the selfishness of their ways and for Him to please watch over little Aspen in all the turmoil. Many days I prayed that he would just make a way for me to be home.

He is faithful in all things and answered that prayer. Shawn got a new job here at our current community and we moved. I never went back to work after that. It was a financial struggle at first, and resulted in many arguments between my husband and me. Through my daughter moving out, and a less expensive smaller apartment becoming available, the Lord eased our financial burden tremendously and those fights have all but subsided. Our financial situation is still precarious, but I feel He is still at work on it and that good things are coming. What those might be I have no idea, but I am trying to wait patiently.

Something good must be coming, because I feel the devil has been stalking me relentlessly lately. Anytime I am not plugged in to the Lord, reading my Bible or listening to praise music or praying often, the deceiver sneaks up on me and whispers thoughts of discontent. He whispers to me all the time about areas where I am susceptible, like about the part of town we live in. Each time my husband and I bicker at all, even about something small, he is right there waiting to stoke the fire with resentment-fueling lies. He goes on about how my husband doesn't help around the house or treats the cats better than people or doesn't appreciate all that I do. He loves to tell me that if I keep going the way I am that we will end up just like my husband's parents. That's a scary thought and one that haunts me often.

The real truth of the matter is that the Lord is at work on all of us, and He will make the needed changes in us as long as I continue to yield to Him and act in obedience to His word. As winter approaches I am not only making practical preparations but spiritual ones as well, to ensure that I stay close to the Lord and safe from the deceptions of evil and that my family will stay close and strong for each other.

We have plans in the works for the winter holidays, visits from family and the hope that we can get our oldest daughter home for Christmas. I've been doing a lot of paid blogging and advertising here, as I'm sure you've noticed and so far I have $160 saved that will go towards special gifts for my hubby and the girls. I have something special in mind for each of them that they're not expecting.

As we say goodbye to summer we greet Autumn with hope and anticipation of all things new and good, and leave behind the struggles we've faced this year. Whatever this new season brings, we will face it as a family, under the wing of the Lord.

Wordless Wednesday: Rain

Aspen loves the rain. Every time it rains she wants to go out and play in it. So far the rains have stayed fairly warm, but they are gradually cooling off. I'm wondering how she will take it when ti gets too cold for her to play outside in it.

See more Wordless Wednesday here.

Daybook: August 25

This is a wonderful meme from The Simple Woman. If you haven't visited Peggy's site I highly recommend it. Her philosophy is just what the stressed-out mama needs to slow down and appreaciate the simple things.

My Daybook

For today....August 25, 2008

Outside My Window...it's raining and has been for most of the day. The weather is humid but cooler than usual and there is a definate fall-is-coming feeling in the air.

I am thinking...that this has been a wonderful day. We kept the TV and computer off for most of the day and it was wonderful. We will be doing more of this.

I am thankful for...the peace that comes from the Lord that fills my heart today. I am also thankful that there was no violence at a local school today (see previous post).

From the kitchen...I made grilled chicken, corn, potatoes and corn bread for dinner. We all ate too much and it was delicious, the perfect rainy day meal.

I am wearing...cut off jean shorts, black t-shirt, socks & shoes.

I am creating...a preschool unit about farms for Aspen.

I am going...to a local Labor Day festival, a home school consignment store, and a kids consignment store with the family this coming Saturday.

I am reading...my to-do list for today, on which I've gotten everything done except signing up for the Disney movie club.

I am hoping...I can find good deals on the curriculum materials I need for my 16-year-old.

I am hearing...Hubby, the toddler and the teenager designing a plastic bottle boat together.

Around the house...are autumn decorations we put out yesterday. It's a little early but I was ready for a change and it's a definate pick me up.

One of my favorite things...is rainy days.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: Get my consignment clothing ready to go (done), go through the toys and see what we can take to the consignment store, get my farm unit planned in more detail, get ready for our first official day of school, which will be Tuesday September 1.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...
The first hint of fall up in the hills behind our home.

Prayers Please, Threat at a Local School

Some of you folks who live in North Carolina may already know about this, but I thought I would share it here, and ask all my readers to please pray about this. It is of special concern to our family, because this is the high school that my daughter Ashley's long-time boyfriend attends.

It seems that someone who identified themselves as a senior at Ashbrook High School in Gastonia left a message on a Warcraft online forum saying that he plans to detonate propane bombs and kill students with several high-powered weapons. The local authorities and the FBI are taking the threat seriously and searching for the person who posted the threat, but they have yet to find him. His threat is supposedly going to be carried out on Monday, the first day of classes. You can read the full news article and complete text of his post here.

This is not the first time something like this has hit a little too close to home for us. In 1999, as we were packing up boxes and renting a truck for our move to Littleton, CO we watched the news coverage of the Columbine massacre there. Within only a week we would live and work only a few minutes from the school. Several of my employees at the store I managed there had been present during the shootings. One was with a teacher as he bled to death in a classroom, another actually showed me a backpack he had that had been grazed by a bullet as he fled in the hallway.

This past April here in Charlotte bullets came into the lobby of Butler High School in Matthews, where my daughter had been a student until only a month before. The rounds were apparently fired into the school during some kind of drive by incident. No one was hurt, thankfully. To my knowledge the shooters were never caught.

It's a scary world we live in.

Day by Day, By His Side

This is my three-year-old, Aspen's favorite song. It is one of mine too. It has such a simple message and yet is so relevant. Perhaps all we need ever pray for is the ability to see the Lord more clearly, to love Him more dearly and to follow him more nearly.



Another beautiful song from Godspell is By My Side, about walking at the side of Jesus. I first heard this song when I was 12 years old and taking guitar lessons, and my teacher chose this song for me to learn. It has been one of my favorites ever since. I am so glad, that even in darkness, that He is here, by my side.



Be sure to visit Then Sings My Soul Saturdays for more amazing musical testimony.

A note to those of you who left comments or emails asking if Godspell was a movie, yes it was. These videos are from the movie. It was originally a stage musical. Just some trivia, Jesus in the videos (superman shirt) was played by well known actor Victor Garber. If you've not seen I recommend renting it.

The Promised Land

Tonight my husband and I spent some time on the computer together researching general information about several places where we might consider moving. If you've been reading here for much time at all you'll know we're not happy in our current town. There are many factors but the high crime rate is the biggest one. We've lived here for five years now, and almost from day one I have regretted the move. We were not careful when we chose this area, we came here because this is where he found a job. It's not where we plan to call home forever.

All of our browsing got me thinking about how much more selective we need to be in choosing a town to call home this time around. Wherever we go this time, we want to stay there. Factors we are considering are these:

~ We need a place big enough to offer my husband the opportunity to find a good paying job in his field (apartment maintenance), but not so big that we are getting back into the same big city problems that plague us here.

~ We want a place with excellent schools. Even though we plan to home school, circumstances and plans can change and we want to have the option of putting Aspen in school and knowing that she will be safe and well-educated.

~ Reasonable home school laws are a must. I can't live someplace where the state has too many restrictions/requirements on homeschooling.

~ We want a safe place to live. We realize there is crime everywhere, but low crime rates are a major factor in our search.

~ We want a family-friendly town, with opportunities for lots of extra-curricular activities, etc.

~ I'd love beach access (closer than 3 hours away, thanks!) while my hubby loves snow. This part is negotiable of course, as we've lived in different climates and can adapt.

~A place with a stable economy is important too.

All that being said, I'd like to ask for input from you, my trusted readers. Where do you live? How is it? Would you recommend it as a place that might work for us? How are your schools? Do you feel safe there? Thanks so much in advance for your thoughts!

Discernment

Today Iris at Sting My Heart chose Peace as her topic for Thankful Thursday.

I am thankful for peace today as well. I have come to a new understanding about the Peace the comes from Jesus, the false peace that comes from worldly things like money, and the ways in which Satan will try to unsurp our peace and make us question God. For this new understanding, I am grateful!

Real peace comes from Jesus. Let me use the example of my husband's paychecks. Money is finally starting to lose its power over me, as the Lord molds my heart. Shawn gets paid every two weeks. There is never enough for everything we need to do. Once we pay our bills, buy groceries and put gas in our car there's usually less than $50 left. Sometimes there's slightly more, sometimes a lot less. The two weeks in between paydays used to leave me tense and stressed, wondering where everything else we need or will need before the next one will come from. I prayed and prayed that God would give us more money. He did, a little bit. But He also provided in other ways. He lowered our rent. We have rarely bought clothes for our youngest. All have been provided from people we know. Just yesterday we received two huge bags of clothing from a lady at a local cafe where Shawn gets his morning coffee. From that alone we have about a year of clothes for her and a huge bag to donate and consign. He's blessed my husband with a cardiologist who is willing to give him samples of his medications, all we have to do is go get them. He even touched the hearts of my husband's parents who financed a car for us when we lost ours to repossession. (Long story). He even recently blessed me with a dear friend and fellow doll artist who gifted me with a beautiful kit from which to create one of my reborn dolls. You get the picture.

Now, it's no surprise the devil doesn't like this one little bit. He'd much rather have me all upset and stressed out, fighting with my husband and working at a job outside my home. So he will do anything and everything to trip me up. He'll cause me to covet by whispering, "You deserve more, your kids deserve more." He'll make me worry and fret by saying "The cable bill is late, it's going to get cut off." Or he'll even try to get me to resent the money we send to my hubby's folks for the car.

Up until recently I have fallen hook, line and sinker for all of his subtle lies. The last few weeks though, the Lord has really opened my eyes and helped me to see these deceptions for what they are. I can now recognize that he's attacking me before I react to it and make things worse. This is a huge step forward for me.

For this, I am truly Thankful!

After Thanksgiving Sales

Anybody here shop on the dreaded Black Friday? You know the day I mean, the Friday after Thanksgiving when stores open at insanely early hours and woo their customers out of warm beds with super amazing deals? Yep, that day. Do any of you brave the cold and darkness, long lines and insane crowds to get that one amazing deal on a must have Christmas item?

I don't. For years I never did because I was always working. I worked at KB Toys for seventeen years and every Black Friday (or Green Friday as KB Calls it - green for money!) I was one of those employees getting out of bed at 4am to open up a toy store at 5am for mobs of credit card weilding Moms, Dads and Grandma's, each one determined to beat the other to that must have hot item for little Johnny. It was crazy, but in a lot of ways really, really fun.

After years of making Black Friday happen, I am burned out on the idea of shopping on that day. Still though, I look over flyers from the Thanksgiving Day paper and wish that I too could partake in the feast of amazing deals. Sometimes I see a deal so great I actaully consider braving the chaos. That usually lasts about 5 minutes and then I give up the idea in favor of sleeping in and having leftover pumpkin pie for breakfast.

Now there is a terrific new way that those fainter of heart bargain hunters like me can take advantage of Black Friday deals without risking life, limb or that last slice of pumpkin pie. At iBlackFriday.com, black friday deals for tons of popular stores will be listed for online shoppers to view. On the left hand side of the main page there is a list of retailers and the quantity of deals they are offering. Lists of these deals are already viewable for many companies. There is also a Shopping List feature coming out soon that allows you to keep a running list of things you want to buy online on Black Friday or Cyber Monday. Cyber Monday is, you guessed it, the Monday after Thanksgiving, when there will be hundreds of super online deals available too! iBlack Friday has teamed up with eCouponCodes.com to offer even sweeter deals from selected retailers and you can sign up for notifications via email of new deals and stores as they are added.

I'm planning to do a lot of my shopping this way and already have my own list started of things I want to get for my family. Now that I'm able to take advanteage of such great deals, I can make the most of my Christmas budget, and still beat my hubby to the last slice of pumpkin pie!

How do you ladies make the most of your Christmas budget?

Our Little Gardener

In spite of looking like it's dying, Aspens cucumber plant continues to produce decent size, tasty cucumbers. She is so proud and always excited to harvest and enjoy them. Right now we have two in the refrigerator and several that look like they'll be ready to pick in a few more days.

Our little summer garden may not have been a complete success, lol....thanks in part to a very hungry bunny who visits regularly....but it certainly has been a terrific learning experience and amazing source of joy for my youngest. I am hoping that this first experience at growing our own food will keep growing in her and foster a love of gardening and a special desire for self-sufficiency as she gets older.

We have plans for next year's garden and plan to apply what we learned this year from our successes and failures to improve our yield next summer. Stay tuned for more pictures as we are still hoping to get at least one decent size watermelon before the first frost!

Wordless Wednesday

Reflections on Parenting at 4AM

It's 4:20 am and as I sit writing this, Aspen is wide awake. Being up at this hour wouldn't necessarily be such a bad thing, except that we didn't settle down to real sleep until about 1 am. It's been a tough week for sleep around here. She's having some allergy issues, and a stuffy nose has made her restless. Allergy meds have made her drowsy at odd times and our sleep schedule is totally out of whack.

I confess I was not very happy when I realized the time as she sat in her bed asking to come downstairs. All my efforts to settle her back to bed failed and as I carried her down here I grumbled unfairly that we were the only people awake at this hour. I complained to God that I need sleep as I got Aspen the drink she was asking for.

When I next looked at Aspen something happened. I can only explain it as the hand of God touching my heart, because I was suddenly so aware of just how little and fragile my precious baby girl is, and I was just overtaken with love for her. Last night I had prayed that the Lord would help me to reorder my priorities and help me to remember just how precious my children are. I've been praying that He would help me to be a kinder, more compassionate mother.

That seems to be exactly what He's doing.

My Daybook

This is a wonderful meme from The Simple Woman. If you haven't visited Peggy's site I highly recommend it. Her philosophy is just what the stressed-out mama needs to slow down and appreaciate the simple things.

My Daybook

For today....August 18, 2008

Outside My Window...the sun is shining and there is a gentle breeze. Our cucumber plant is producing nicely in spite of looking like it's dying.

I am thinking...about fairweather friends and how hurtful their behaviors can be, and how I want to strive never to be one.

I am thankful for...my parents' willingness to take my oldest daughter under their wing and into their home and help her spread her wings in ways we could not.

From the kitchen...my hubby made delicious waffles for breakfast this morning. He uses regular pancake mix from a box, but adds a little bit of vanilla and some cinnamon...yum!

I am wearing...jeans and an orange striped t-shirt.

I am creating...an organizing plan to transfer all of our items currently in cardbord boxes into plastic storage bins.

I am going...nowhere today, yay! We spent the whole weekend running errands so I'm happy to stay home today.

I am reading...through the final unit in my daughter's 11th grade Language Arts curriculum. We are finishing it up this week. This will be her first official homeschool credit.

I am hoping...the peace and calm of this moment will last.

I am hearing...my dishwasher draining, my toddler's favorite TV show: "Maggie & the Ferocious Beast", the sound of water being poured back and forth between cups and bowls as she plays.

Around the house...is a little crowded with a couple of big toys that are normally stored in the garage.

One of my favorite things...is watching the 3-year-old play when she doesn't know I'm watching. It's so amazing to see her think things through and experiment and figure things out all by herself.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: finish our summer term school, start reorganzing some items into new plastic bins, shop at Goodwill for some more jeans.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

Then Sings My Soul: Holy Is the Lord

Three years ago, when Aspen was just a baby and we were struggling financially and our marriage was in trouble, I turned to the Lord in utter desperation. Driving in the car one day, I was praying that He would step in and sort out the mess our lives were fast becoming. I heard Chris Tomlin's Holy Is The Lord for the first time that day and I knew it was a message, the Lord's way of saying, "I am here and in control of it all."

The song became one of my favorites and one day while downloading it from the Internet I accidentally got a live version instead of the album track. At first I was annoyed, as I don't typically like live versions. As I listened to it though, I literally got goosebumps. The audience participation at this performance was nothing short of amazing!

Enjoy!



Be sure to visit Then Sings My Soul Saturdays for more amazing musical testimony.

That Friday Feeling

Today was such a Friday.

Yes, I realize it's Friday on the calender, but what I'm talking about here is the kind of day that feels like Friday is supposed to feel. It was a great day.

First of all, it was a beautiful day and we got to play outside without getting sweaty and over-heated. Secondly, it was payday. (Yay!)

Aspen was an absolute doll all day long because she had a trip to Toys R Us to look forward to this evening. Her Daddy had promised her he would take her there and buy her a new toy as a reward for progress in using the potty. In anticipation of this, she played happily all day long and didn't misbehave at all.

We made a trip to the video store to return some movies we rented last week, and got an awesome bargain on the new ones we picked. First of all, we have a new membership at Hollywood Video, and for the first 30 days we get half off our rentals. That works out to about $2 a movie, already a good deal. Then today they had a special where if you rented 3 movies, you got a 4th one for .99 cents and a free 2-liter bottle of soda. We chose 4 movies, one for each of us and went to check out. As it turned out, since we are still on the 50% off program, our 4th movie was .50 cents! Altogether we left the store with 4 movies, a 2-liter of soda and a bag of the girls' favorite candy for $8. You just can't beat that!

Dinner tonight was a treat too. We've all been craving pizza for the last week. We haven't had it in a while, so we decided we would have some delivered tonight as a special treat. We got a good deal on one of their family specials there too, and the pizza was absolutely delicious. It probably wasn't any better than it always is, but we appreciated it so much more having not had it in a long time. Yum!

After dinner we made the trek over to the local Toys R Us, something we also haven't done in months. We wandered through the aisles at a leisurely pace and had fun commenting on the latest toy trends while Aspen inspected and tried out about a hundred toys. For her treat she settled on a little pink umbrella stroller for her dolls. Even though she already has a doll stroller, she has been asking for one like this for the last year or so and since they were on sale for $8, we went ahead and let her get one. Her Dad was excited to find individual pieces of Hot Wheels track in the die cast aisle and stocked up on it at less than $1 a piece. When we got home he and Aspen created a long stretch of road down our stairs and had a blast racing all of her cars down at record speeds. We all got a good laugh when the cats started chasing the cars down.

It's been a fun, relaxed, happy family day, just the way every Friday should be.

The "P"(olitics) Word

I've noticed that on a lot of blogs I read, there has been a marked absence of political topics, in spite of the historic Presidential race taking place before our eyes. I personally avoid bringing up political issues on my blog for a number of reasons. This doesn't mean I am not closely following the campaigns of both candidates or keeping abreast of the issues facing our country and our world. I just choose not to blog about them. Sometimes I really want to though.

If you're looking for a place to voice your political and social views and perhaps even engage in some debate over current topics, there is a new political forum available now. Although it's name is humorous, Argue With Everyone is a forum where such serious topics as the Iraq War, immigration, abortion and just about every other emotionally charged topic facing Americans today can be discussed and debated. There is minimal moderation on this forum so if you visit, please do so with caution and without your kids. I found my visit interesting, educational, and a little bit shocking all rolled into one.

Bicycle Class

This summer we've been working with Aspen to get her comfortable on her first big girl bike. She's recently developed a real liking for riding it in the garage, and today she told me she was having "bicycle class" with her sister. Enjoy the pics, and please ignore the mess at the back of the garage!

Video Games

I've posted a few times before about my husband's love for video games. I used to play them too when we were first married and there are quite a few I still enjoy playing. It seems like to me though, that every game he buys gets a little more violent, a little more bloody. I've noticed that in recent years, there have been a few games that seem to actually alter his mood as well, and he's immersed in one of them right now. He'll sit for hours playing it and while he's playing he is literally oblivious to everything around him. Not only that, but it's completely inappropriate for Aspen, who's 3.

I've spoken to him a few times over the last few years about this, when he gets involved in a game that alters his mood. Sometimes he's receptive to my comments, other times not. Since the video games are in the living room, I have no choice but to remove Aspen from the area while he's playing. Obviously I don't want her watching the game, but I also don't want her around him when he gets "in the zone".

Usually this means we go outside, or we spend the evening upstairs. Since her bed and her toys are in our bedroom, she and I go up there and play, watch some of her favorite preschool shows, or read stories together. I also use this time to do laundry since it's on the second floor.

Aspen loves this time, because she has me all to herself. I find that I enjoy it a lot too. It's a peaceful time.

In spite of making the most of it, the situation is obviously a cause for concern. Video games are one thing. Ones that actually put my husband in a foul mood are something different altogether. It affects the entire family negatively. He becomes moody and critical. It also takes away the prime time each day that we could spend as a family. I could go on, but you get the picture.

I've been praying that the Lord will work on him, and decrease his desire to play and fill his heart with the desire to be with his family in a loving way. He does spend a lot of time playing with Aspen and doesn't play every night. He also is conscious of the impact on her and will tell me ahead what he's playing so I can take her upstairs, so the situation is far from hopeless.

Are any of you ladies dealing with this?

As Autumn Approaches

As I watch the rain fall outside my window today, I can't help but think about the striking differences between this August and last. Last year we were in a severe drought and most of August gave us 90+ degree temps until mid-September. It's rarely reached 90 this summer at all and now in early August it is 68 degrees out and raining. Our little tree that holds the bird feeder has shed many yellow leaves and they're scattered on the ground around it. Are we looking at an early end to summer?

Last Fall was different in so many other ways too. I was still working part-time at Michael's. I am now a full-time mom. My middle daughter was in public school. We are now homeschooling. We lived in an area I really liked, but I didn't know how to appreciate that. This year I am longing to return there. Last year I had a best friend I could trust and confide in, whose life held many of the same trials as mine. Last year I was active in a church that I loved. This year I find I am somewhat isolated and very lonely, in spite of many attempts to reach out in my new community.

It's been a quiet summer. We did lots of things at home, such as growing our little garden, enjoying the birds at the feeder, the fireflies at dusk and a little bit of a yard to play in. Ashley and I worked our way through her 11th Grade Language Arts course and are wrapping it up next week. We learned about the Revolutionary War and the birth of our nation. We rented movies and stayed up late watching them. We did puzzles. We had visits from both sets of the girls' Grandparents. Our oldest daughter left the nest and we turned yet another apartment into a home. That seems like a very full summer, and yet when I look back over it I wonder where it went. I have this vague sense of disappointment that we didn't do more. I always have grand plans at the start of a new season, anticipating all the places we'll go and things we'll do. Today I'm left with the feeling that we spent the summer waiting for paychecks, so we could do those summer things, and then never did.

As I contemplate the fading of the warm summer sun and the inevitable cold weather to follow, I'm making winter preparations and wondering how I will make it through another long winter with two young souls to care for and a husband who very much lives in his own little world. I find myself seeking to create even more of a refuge here within our home. I also find myself almost instinctively creating my own little refuge, deep inside myself. I've been writing more, journaling and blogging as well as creating a new fiction piece. I've been reading more and letting myself get lost in pretend play with Aspen, much to her delight.

I've never felt quite this same way at the onset of Autumn before and I find myself curiously pondering it as I go about my daily tasks. I suppose I am trying to take the focus off of some of the negative feelings hovering around, such as my discontent with our part of town that seems to be creeping back in. If I am distracted by creativity and imagination then I don't have to think about something I can't change. If I have a warm cozy home and creative pursuits to immerse myself in, then cold weather and waning sunshine don't bother me quite as much. If I have a fictional world to escape into, that I can mold and create to my own liking, then I am not so affected by my husband's distracted, unconcerned outlook on everything.

It's not a perfect solution, but I'm working with the resources I have and cultivating my own special brand of contentment.

Wordless Wednesday: Harvest

Mortgage Update

First of all, let me thank all of you terrific ladies who took the time to pray about this for us. I spoke to our mortgage consultant this morning and learned a lot. While we are not currently eligible for a home loan, we do now know exactly what we need to do to get there. Am I disappointed? A little, but not one bit surprised. In fact, I'm pleasantly surprised that the situation is not as grave as I imagined it.

The following is basically what he advised us to do:

~ We should not apply again until at least June 2009, as we need to be two years out from a particular item on our credit report.

~ We need to make sure we pay our utilities and rent on time for the next year and will need to show a perfect payment history for that year when we are ready to reapply.

~ We need to save up at least $7,000 - $8,000. This will be the most challenging part of all of this for us. We stink at saving. Something always comes up to take what we manage to set aside. In our case though, we usually get a $3000 or up tax refund, so that will help a lot.

~ While my husband currently has no credit since we closed all of our accounts, our mortgage guy didn't say we necessarily needed to open any charge accounts or anything like that. While that is an option, he told us that for an FHA loan the year of solid payment history should suffice.

I haven't told my husband about any of this yet, but his response is predictable. He'll say "Well, I could have told you that." He always says that, even though he really has no knowledge whatsoever of the subject he's commenting on. I'm not really sure he will be willing to do what it will take for us to meet these requirements. In the past he's always doubted we could buy, so he never bothered to even try, nor was he willing to sacrifice instant gratification for his material wants in order to work toward a place where we could. He's older now and wiser, and I can only hope that he truly wants to buy a home.

I must admit that when he suddenly said we should try it, I suspected that his motivation was to make me want to stay over on the side of town we currently live in. If you've been reading here for a while, you know I hate it over here. I try so hard to count all of our blessings, because the Lord has been good to us here, reducing our rent and easing our financial burdens but the shadow of not really feeling safe over here still hangs over me. The truth is I really don't want to buy over here anyway. Looking at the positive side is important and being thankful is too, but I also have to be honest about my feelings.

At any rate, there is now a year of dreaming of buying before we actually do, so I can only pray that the Lord will help us do what we need to do and give us a place where we can both be happy.

My Daybook: First Edition

This is my first time participating in this wonderful meme from The Simple Woman. If you haven't visited Peggy's site I highly recommend it.

For today...August 11,2008...

Outside My Window...it's a hot, sunny, breezy day. Our cucumber plants are producing nicely, and many little birds are visiting our bird feeder.

I am thinking...I'm looking forward to Fall, and the first day of 60 degrees or lower so I can open all the windows in the house and do a complete air exchange.

I am thankful for...these few minutes of peace to observe things around me and write about them.

From the kitchen...I tried a new bread recipe today in which I subbed in self-rising flour for yeast. It didn't rise, but tasted ok anyway.

I am wearing...Tommy Hilfiger denim shorts that only cost me $3.50 at Goodwill and look new, a white polo, socks and sneakers.

I am creating...a design for hand-stamped Christmas Cards (in my head)

I am going...to the store to pick up soda. Yes, its bad for me but I enjoy it so much, especially in the summertime. It's an inexpensive treat and a pick me up on tough days.

I am reading...my new Gooseberry Patch catalog. If you've never seen their adorable country gift items, check them out at www.gooseberrypatch.com.

I am hoping...that the mortgage guy will get back to us today. We submitted primary information on Friday for him to pull my husband's credit report and tell us what we need to do to qualify for our first home loan.

I am hearing...My 16-year-old and 3-year-old playing video games (tame ones!) together.

Around the house...is nice and clean, for the most part.

One of my favorite things...is country primitive art.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: Get my 16-year-old through her current unit of Language Arts, shop for her new curriculum, order her birth certificate, and try to surround myself with as many positive Christian ladies as I can in order to stave off the blues that seem to be stalking me these last few days.

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

Writer...Interrupted

This post was originally published on 3/27/08. I've decided to try my hand at some writing again, so I thought I would repost this one just for fun.

One popular mantra among writers is the idea that "you can't fix a blank page", meaning that lousy writing is better than no writing at all. Often times though, when I have the opportunity to write, I am unable to conquer the blank page. I often find myself seated, pen in hand or keyboard under my fingertips, feeling as blank as the page before me.

When I sleep soundly I dream vividly, and upon awakening I have much to write about. But life demands my immediate attention, and my dream-inspired places, scenes and characters fade quickly into oblivion. Many a story with enormous potential has been miscarried in this manner.

Even the inspirations that come from my own life experiences are no match for my mountainous writer's block. Many a tale from my real life has failed to make it to any form of print, so what hope does fiction even have?

It if weren't for blogging I would never write at all. I have my addiction to public journaling to thank for the fact that my writer's brain gets any exercise at all.

When I do write, is is my habit to write out of sequence. I tend to write what I feel, rather than planning out a scene from start to finish and writing it that way. In fact, most of my pieces have never progressed past a file folder or CD full of random, unconnected scenes. I'm not good at the bridge work that it requires to pull them all together into a completed work.

There have been many times in my life when my writing has been much-needed therapy. Be it journaling, poetry or fiction, much of my work today has filled some need in me that was not otherwise to be met. When I was a young teen struggling with isolation and lonliness, the characters I created were much needed friends. Later, as a young bride and new mother, trapped in a negative home situation, my writing provided me a safe place to go and an outlet for emotions that no one else seemed to understand.

These days there are internet groups for almost everyone in every situation, full of people going through similar things in life. For most of my life though, I was isolated and often lonely. As a young mom whose toddler just would not sleep, I spent hours feeling like I was the only one in the world awake at 2 am rocking a crying, restless child. With tears running down my face, I prayed that she would just fall asleep. My own sleep deprivation only compounded my sense of failure and inadequacy. Had it not been for a red spiral notebook and green felt tip pen, I might not have made it though that time.

I'm older now, and wiser. I have experience to guide me, other moms to share with and a wealth of information at my fingertips when it comes to parenting, marriage and other topics of concern to me in my daily life. I guess it could be observed that I don't need my writing as much as I used to.

Be that as it may, the desire to write is still there and still strong. The urge to put ink to paper in some format the other is always with me. Romances, adventures, women's fiction themes and more roll around in my head while I go about the daily tasks before me. No matter how carefully I plan, how many notes I scribble down or how many characters I nurture to life, I Can't quite seem to bridge the gap to making them a literary reality.

Somehow I am always.....interrupted.

Teens & Tots

About 4PM....

Stay tuned for an insightful post on raising teens and toddlers together.....as soon as I finish refereeing and argument between the 3-year-old and the 15-year-old....

A little after 11PM.

Several hours and a couple of episodes of Nanny 911 later.....

Yes, I admit it. I watch Nanny 911 and I love it. I love it for two reasons.

#1 - When I see the problems some families have, it makes mine seem so much less minor. Nothing like other peoples' problems to put mine in perspective, right?

#2 - I always come away from the show knowing exactly what I am doing wrong with whatever my most recent parenting issues are. Always. Tonight is no exception.

I have a confession to make. For the last few days (ok, ok several days) I've been ignoring my children. Ok, not totally ignoring them. But I've been spending way too much time on this computer and not enough with Aspen. As a result she's been clingy, whiny and sullen. In response to her naughtiness, Ashley has tried to parent her by correcting her behavior. Since Ashley is her sister, not her mother, she doesn't respond well to these attempts at discipline and acts out by yelling and whining. I tend to respond to her heightened misbehavior by hiding on the computer even more, feeling I need a break. Everyone loses out in the end.

So, once again, it's time for me to step back and refocus my attention on my children and my home. When I was a child all I ever wanted was a home and family. Why then, is it so easy for me to slip into selfishness and forget to see it all as the blessing it is? I wish I knew. I think this is one of the ways Satan loves to target me. Every time I get everything going smoothly in our home I go through a really selfish, lazy streak. I suspect it's the old trickster, whispering deceptive thoughts about what I deserve and how I need a break and how the money I make doing paid posts should be a high priority.

I'd love to hear from other moms on this post. Please comment on your feelings on Nanny 911, selfishness in motherhood, too much computer time (or other things), or how you help yourself to stop and refocus on your family. Or, if you're feeling especially chatty, all of it!

By the way for those of you who love the Nannies, there's a great book available by Deborah Carrol and Stella Reid, called Nanny 911: Expert Advice for all Your Parenting Emergencies. Make your first purchase at Borders.com by August 17 and get 30% off the list price of one item
.

Calling All Prayer Warriors

Today is a big day.

Today we have taken the first tiny baby step toward buying a home. I have a call in to a mortgage consultant to begin the process and see if this is even possible at this time.

I am both excited and terrified. It has been my dream since I was just a little girl to own a home but through the years circumstances and lack of knowledge have prevented it. There was even a period of time where I believed we could do it but my husband did not so he wouldn't even consider it. I had pretty much given up on it, deep in my heart and even almost lost the desire for it.

Then one recent weekend my hubby decided he wanted to go look at models at some new developments and we found one we really liked. In my heart I had so many reservations and later after we got home I stressed to my husband that I didn't think we could afford it. Weeks have gone by and the agent at the property has faithfully called us about once a week and each time, the deal has been better and better.

The home we would buy there is a three-bedroom ranch style that we could design and watch being built. The price has dropped several thousand dollars over the course of the last few weeks and when the agent called last night to tell us it was now under $150,000 I felt like we should at least try.

I am so nervous about this, because as I said this was such a big dream of mine and I feel a little bit fragile right now. I would like to ask each of you to please take a minute to say a prayer about this. Please pray that the Lord will make His will clear, and fill our hearts with the desire for whatever it is He wants for us.

Thank you so much ladies, and stay tuned......

Taking My Show On The Road

I've been thinking about trying to sell my dolls at some local art and craft fairs through the fall. There are many of them here in our area, starting about Labor Day and culminating with the gigantic Southern Christmas Show. Up until now I've had a lot of success selling on eBay, but they have made so many changes recently that have negatively affected their sellers. I find it almost impossible to get the price I need to in order to make my art profitable for my family.

So, I'm considering renting some trade show booths at some of the upcoming events to see if it might bring me some sales and some more local exposure. I know of artists who do this on a regular basis and get a lot of custom work through folks who see their dolls at these shows. I'd love to use some of the terrific trade show tools offered by The Godfrey Group to help make my station look professional.

Do any of you crafty readers regularly do craft shows or other events? If so, what tips can you offer and how do you like it?

Wordless Wednesday: Friends

Since my oldest moved out, Aspen has taken it upon herself to take care of her big sister's cat, Ascavi, in her absence. She's very attentive and protective of him and he has warmed up to her quite a bit. They're so cute together.

Something About Me

The girls and I went shopping at a new Target near our home on Friday. Ashley wanted to try on some clothes, and as I sat there in the dressing room with it's dual mirrors I got a rare look at the back of my head. Think about it, how many times do you really look at the back of your head? Anyway, I noticed a small bald spot about the size of a quarter that I hadn't known was there.

Small patchy bald spots are nothing new for me. I have a condition known as alopecia areata, an autoimmune disease that causes my hair to fall out in small, round patches. I am lucky in that I only have a very mild case. I first learned I had the disease when I developed a bald spot at age 15. For the first few years that I had alopecia, it was more severe, and I lost enough hair that I wore a wig for years. It affected me negatively in a lot of ways but the most negative effect was on my social life and consequently my education. I dropped out of high school when I was 16. Alopecia wasn't the only factor but it did play a role.

I wore a wig until I was 19, and then miraculously the condition seemed to correct itself. My hair grew back in and I didn't have any spots for years. Now I find that I get a bald spot here and there a few times a year. They typically grow back in about 6-8 weeks and while I have them I just comb my hair over them, or in the case of the one I have now, if I go out I use a little bit of makeup to make it less noticable. Stress and a poor diet sometimes seem to be a factor, sometimes not.

For a long time I tried to hide my condition but these days I'm more open about it. I guess it's just that I'm older now and I realize that a bald spot does not make me a second-class citizen as I once felt it did. I decided to share this with you my readers today to help increase awareness and let my regular bloggy buddies get to know me better. I hope you will all take some time to visit the National Alopecia Areata Foundation and learn more about this disease and what you can do to help.

Smile!

I wanted to send out a special thank you to all of my readers who were praying for my daughter Kelly and her dental issues. After several days on an antibiotic she is feeling much better overall and having less mouth pain. Shortly she'll be having a couple of the real problem ones removed, and that should help a lot. After that she will have a deep cleaning that should also help and will be the first step in correcting her dental health. I know she's scared about the procedures but I try to remind her that the benefits will be so worth it, and she knows that. Her deep cleaning will be done at a dental school in the area where it will cost her about 1/3 of the price it would if her dentist did it, so that is a real blessing too.

Once the health issues are taken care of, I've encouraged her to check into some cosmetic dentistry. I think her dental issues have had a negative impact on her self-esteem. I know mine have for me, so I'd like her to be aware of some of the options that are out there, like teeth whitening, porcelain veneers, orthodontics, dental implants, tooth contouring & shaping and more. I've been reading a bit about it lately for myself, and I'm finding out that it's not really as expensive as most people think it is and that my insurance will even cover some of it. If my louse policy will cover some, then folks with better coverage should be able to do a lot of it very affordably. I can't think of anything that would do more for my own self-esteem than a smile makeover, and I'm sure the same will be true for her.

Halloween Costumes 2008

Speaking of fashion and holidays (see my previous two posts), it has been suggested that if we can find a family-friendly event to attend, that the four of us should dress up as a family of pirates for Halloween. It sounds like a fun idea to me, if we can find someplace we can go that's family friendly and doesn't allow any gory or scary costumes or events. If you've been a long time reader of mine, you may recall last Halloween we chose not to celebrate or participate because of my objections to how gory and obviously inappropriate it has become. I wrote an article on my feelings about that (in my previous blog) after seeing a fake severed head on the dashboard of a car at our local drug store. I had to do some fancy footwork to keep then 2-year-old Aspen from spotting it.

Halloween was one of my favorite holidays when I was a little kid, and I hate to make Aspen miss out on that fun just because of what it has become. This year I would really like to do something fun as a family, and my very favorite Halloween Costumes are pirates. I think little kids dressed as pirates are so cute, and Aspen enjoys playing pirate in her pretend play so I think all of us getting into the act could be really fun. We'll see what if any family friendly events are going to be hosted in our area before we make any decisions about whether or not to participate. In the meantime I'll be browsing pirate costumes and practicing my "Aaaargh!"

Frugal Fashion

I'm so excited! The family and I went shopping today and wandered into TJ Maxx to scout for bargains. I've heard lots of people say they get terrific deals there, but I never seem to have too much luck. However, right now they have a terrific summer clearance sale going on.

I've been needing a new bathing suit for a while now. My current one is the same one I've had for three summers now, and that's fine with me. Since I'm a little heavier than I'd like to be and getting close to 40, I felt like it didn't much matter whether my swimwear was in good shape of fit me well. I guess I felt like I didn't look good in a bathing suit anyway so why spend money on one. Ashley set me straight on this a few weeks ago, fussing at me that my old one looks really bad. The seat is pilling up and the chest padding is looking bad from so many washings.

Finally today I agree to browse the sale racks for a new one at TJ Maxx. Am I glad I did! I found a really nice all black one-piece by Jantzen, that originally retails for $78. How much did I pay? $16. Yep, a savings of $62! Not only that but I was surprised at how nicely it fits me.

I'm not a spender, I don't like parting with money for what I consider luxuries, but it occurred to me while I was browsing the swimwear that it really is part of my responsibility as my husband's wife to look my best, especially when I am out in public at out community pool where he works. All in all this is one purchase I feel really good about.

Our Redeemer

I think this song says it all. Be sure to visit Then Sings My Soul Saturdays for more messages of the love, redemption and power of our Lord.

Playing Possum

We had a bit of an adventure last night. Shawn had gone up to check on things in the pool area and there he discovered a mama possum and a litter of what looked like very newborn babies in one of the trash cans. Obviously he couldn't leave her there. The potential for that to end badly was gigantic. Hubby initially contacted animal control and they said, basically we don't deal with that kind of thing and don't know who does. Hmmm. So we contacted a local critter control company and they didn't respond until much later, so we ended up devising our own solution. We covered the trash can with a towel and moved her and her babies, can and all out of the pool area and up to a wooded area at the back of the property. There, we placed the can on its side so she could get in and out, left her some food and went back to miding our own business. Later when the critter people finally called us back, the wildlife guy confirmed we'd done the right thing. He also confirmed our suspicions that the was a very late (in the season) litter. This morning she and her babies were gone, so we can only hope they are back in their own element and safe.