Once again, undeserving in my sinful heart, I've been blessed with healing words and some inspiration from the Faithful One.
He never gives up on me. I might give up on me, were I my own Heavenly Father. After all, I fall short in every way, every day. Yet He loves me. I take my eyes off of Him so easily, distracted by self, by anger, by impatience, by illness. Yet, He is there, constant, patiently waiting for me to return.
On this, day 6 of us all being down with varying degrees of the crud, He is there. Fevers, coughs, aches and pains, gunky eyes, and runny noses are the rhythm of our days. This on top of the already strained energy swirling around a little girl struggling so hard for time with me, and attention that used to belong exclusively to her. At times she holds us all hostage, a little mini cyclone of upset, angry I-hate-yous and fine-I-wont-ever-play-with-you-agains and accusations that I don't love her.
But oh how I do love her! She is so precious to me. This breaks my heart. I too miss the days when it was just the two of us, but since it will not be again, we must both work to move past it. We must grow, and love anew and cherish our shortened time even more. A tall order, with a baby to care for, a teen needing more freedom and mothering too, and a partner who sometimes is not.
I laid it all at the feet of this Father, this one who refuses to abandon me. I am like my own little child, I cry and carry on and demand He fix my problems now. I have my own spiritual temper tantrums. What begins as prayer sometimes deteriorates into a gripe session.
Yet, He is still there. Still patient, loving and kind. I know I must strive to be like Him in these days.
Today I was blessed by this post and again by this one. I passed on both to Ashley, my beautiful amazing woman-child. Father God has been so faithful in providing me guidance for her as she slowly blossoms under the new sun of brand-new belief.
In my Father's model I find still more answers to the questions swirling around in my heart. He speaks to me through His actions and His faithful, loving presence.
2 comments:
you bless me today, too, melinda. i too throw spiritual temper tantrums... flailing fists against heaven... and he holds. ever so tight. until i crumble. begging him healing for your family... e.
It must be the age because my son that is the same age is a cyclone himself. Somedays it is so hard, isn't it?
We've been praying together each day. And reading the scriptures together each day. It helps so much. So do the books we've been reading about anger (The day Louis said I Hate You! and Mouse Was Mad are two I'd recommend).
Good luck, Melinda and hang in there!
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