First Day of School

Before you say it, yes I get that today was a holiday and there was no school. But at our house there was a five-year-old itching to get started, so that's just what we did.


There was no question as to what type of weather we needed to note on our chart...it was raining. It rained heavily until after 5PM. Yuck.


We started off with some pages from Aspen's reading primer. We're using a series called Explode The Code and she is just about done with the first book, Get Ready For The Code.


Several new toys kept Abby occupied and out of her sister's work. This Melissa & Doug clock toy normally sells for anywhere from $12.99 and up, but we scored it for $7 at a local consignment shop. Yay!


We started learning about oceans today, and we learned about currents and water movement with a neat experiement called Ocean Motion, in which we added a drop of food coloring to a pan of water and blew across it with varying degrees of force to watch what happened. Aspen loves any kind of water play so this was right up her alley and she played around with it for quite a while. We had read the story of Jonah and talked about the storm and the boat being tossed around on the sea, so she put a cracker in there and blew it around to show me how scary that would be. It was so cute!


For art today we made crepe paper ribbon dancers. It was super simple but gave Aspen some good measuring practice. I let her measure out 6 feet of streamers herself and then she taped it to the stick. We then made a 9 foot one for Ashley and they both had a great time playing with them indoors.

Because of the rain we had to scrap the activity she really wanted to do, which was to use her Dad's 100-foot measuring tape to see how big a blue whale is. They're 100 feet long, by the way in case you didn't know that. I didn't, until I was researching this project. 100 feet is big. I mean, really big! I'm hoping we can get to that tomorrow. Instead we watched a neat IMAX ocean video called The Blue Planet - Ocean World. It was really neat and I was glad to see her very interested.

All in all, we're off to a good start.

A Tour of Our School

I thought I'd share some pictures of our home classroom today. It's a work in progress, but the basics are there. I've heard a few people say that they don't think it's necessary to have a room dedicated to homeschooling, but in our case I think it will really enrich Aspen's experience, as well as provide some needed structure to help her focus when we're doing school.

So, without further ado, welcome to our classroom!



This is our very own children's library. Our book collection contains mostly books we've been given, plus a few special ones from when my older girls were small. There are even a few leftovers from my own childhood. The books featured on top of the bookcases and the little shelves are titles we'll be using in our ocean unit for the month of June. The little bulliten board display says "Dive Into Reading". Aspen thought that was neat. The toys are there for Abby to provide something interesting for her to play with other than the books.



This is the main wall, and it has our classroom flag, state homeschool card, the ABCs, Fruit of the Spirit posters, our calendar area, and the bulliten boards featuring our ocean theme. Our calendar area is interactive, something we'll do each morning. First, we have a little fun attendance game that I designed, just to create a definite transition to school. A small chart says "Who is here today?" and little disks with fish on them have Aspen, Abby and Ashley on them. When we start everyone puts their name disc (velcro) on to the chart to show they're here. Aspen gets to do Abby's for her until she's old enough.



Next we'll do calendar and a days of the week activity that also features a velcro chart. Squares that read "today", "Tomorrow" and "Yesterday" will each get placed on the proper day to help Aspen understand the sequence of days. A similar chart, also velcro, for the weather will be done daily. I found these adorable sets at Confessions of a Homeschooler, my absolute favorite homeschool blog. The post I linked to is an older one about her calendar time and has download links for her super cute days and weather charts. If you're a homeschool mom, or a digiscrapper, I encourage you to check out her whole blog, it's full of terrific free downloads and super creative ideas.



On this wall, which is to the right of the main wall, we have the continuation of the ABCs as well as numbers 1-10. Aspen is way past that in counting, but is still learning to write numbers, and so I went on and put these up for her. They were part of the ABC set. I got that as well as the other bulliten board items at a local Education Express store. In this area you'll see Aspen's workbox and temporary desk. This little white table and chairs is a set I bought when she was a baby and painted and it's seen its share of use over the last five years. She's a little big for it now, hence the temporary status. My mom has a bigger desk that's just perfect for her, and she'll hopefully be bringing that down here from VA sometime in mid-June. On the workbox you can see little apple number cards on each drawer. She'll start at #1 and work her way down each day. Most of the activities will be done with me or her sister for now, and as she progresses there will be more independant work as well.


And of course, no post would be complete without little Abby, who thinks the table is the coolest thing since sliced bread. She and Aspen christened it with a tea party consisting of goldfish crackers and sweet tea the other night when I brought it in from the garage.

For some of the displays I created, I used graphics from the following digital scrapbook kits: A Pinch of This & A Dash of That and Fish Are Friends.

I'm really looking forward to sharing our homeschool adventures with my readers again, so I hope you will all share your comments and come by often to learn with us! Stay tuned!

Homeschool Kindergarten

Thanks Amanda and Mari for your kind words on yesterday's post. I'm not really sure what had me so emotional yesterday, except possibly hormones. Your support and friendship means the world to me! That being said, I'll move on to today's topic: school!

When I started this blog, back in February of 2008, I was a novice homeschool mom, just starting out. We had pulled Ashley, then 15 out of a totally unacceptable public school and were embarking on a new journey: learning at home. Now, two years later, she is only a few credits from graduation and Aspen is 5 and eager to begin kindergarten. And, all things considered, I still feel like a novice. I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, as for kindergarten, the original plan was to start "officially" in the Fall, but Aspen is so eager to get started we decided to start right away. I spent the last 2 weeks planning and decorating our classroom/playroom. This coming week will be her first week of structured lessons. I've decided to do unit studies with her, month by month, and each thing we do (reading, math, art, etc) will relate in some way to our topic.

Our first theme will be the ocean. In week one, we'll learn general things about the structure of the ocean, like how much of the Earth is water, how the ocean is salty (vs. pool and drinking water), and a little about zones, waves, tides and currents. For Bible we'll be studying Jonah and learning how you can't hide from God and how God loves and forgives us. We'll also study whales. For week two, our focus will be sea life. Week three will be about ways we use the ocean, such as for food and travel. And last but certainly not least we'll talk about ocean conservation.

I've decided for our basic school structure we'll use the Workbox System. I love the simplicity of it and Aspen is thrilled with the idea of having her school work set up this way. I already had a plastic drawer unit with 7 drawers that will work perfectly and seven activities is perfect. In addition we'll be doing calendar and weather activities every day. Since it's summer, swimming, biking and playing outside will be movement/PE. Later when the weather turns cold again we'll start doing indoor movement games and more music.

I've gotten quite a few raised eyebrows over starting school in June, but personally I think it will really work for us. I'm planning to be flexible and figure out what works for us. The extra months, I feel like, will give Aspen an academic jump start and give our days some much needed structure.

Stay tuned for my Open House post that will include pictures of the room, our setup and the mini students at work!

Wondering

Today I sit, with my sleeping baby stretched across my lap, my brain full of questions, wondering.

I am wondering why Aspen has been so well-behaved these last few days while Ashley has been sick in bed with the crud? Is it because she's had me more? Is it because the resentment Ashley feels toward helping (that is now so evident in spite of her denials) was absent? Is it because I have purposed to be kinder, gentler and prayed for God's grace to do it? Is it because her Daddy has really been helping out, and he and I have been closer and there's been no fighting between us? Why is my little girl one way with me alone all day, and another with her sister who used to be her best buddy? I wonder.

I am wondering why there is suddenly so much resentment, so much anger bubbling to the surface in my DD#2. Are we headed down the same path as DD#1 and I? The thought produces a lump in my throat and I pray earnestly for guidance and the strength to be a good example and not someone who inspires loathing and mistrust. A few tears well and I swipe them away. Where are the days when we found such joy together in the making of home and the care of Aspen? Are they gone forever? Perhaps I am holding on too tight. Perhaps too much has already transpired to find that joy again? I wonder as I softly weep.

I am wondering why my DD#1 no longer lives in my home or under my rule yet still feels the need to rebel? Why would she flaunt poor choices and actions I don't approve of? I've done my share of rebelling, enough to know it's useless and self-destructive. I hate to think it matters to her so much to prove something to me that she would put herself in a dangerous situation, swear her sister to secrecy and then announce her actions to me after the fact and expound on why she didn't tell me. I'm wondering how a mother and her wanted, dreamed-of, longed-for baby girl have grown into women so distant and cold to each other. She would never believe my tears for her are real, and I wonder, why?

I am wondering what is happening in my husband's heart. There has been change these last few weeks. He's been helping with the house and the kids. He's done laundry, played games, watched Thomas with Aspen. He seems to have stepped back into the role of husband and father. I am wondering if it's real, and if it will last. Could it be the Lord at work in his heart, at last, after years of praying for change, for his salvation, for unity and love restored? It feels different than past changes that have not lasted.

I pause writing this to greet his arrival home from work, and in faith in this new change I ask him to pick up the girls from the pool. His reaction is much more the old than the new, and I wonder why I wondered, why I hoped. Can a future be judged by one moment? It should not but often in our marriage it can. And as joy melts to disappointment, I wonder.

Sunday Scrappin': May 23

It's Sunday again and that means it's time for Sunday Scrappin'. This is a GREAT way to get inspired, meet other crafters and share your creations, so please drop over and join today!

I didn't do any scrapping this week until today. Aspen has decided she wants to start Kindergarten now instead of waiting until Fall (we homeschool) so I've been busy planning a month's activities. Stay tuned for fun pics and pages from our home classroom!

Today I did this page:



I was inspired by this cool freebie and the beautiful page she made from it. Sadly, I couldn't use the template because it's a PSD file and not compatible with my ancient version of PSP. So, I did the next best thing and scraplifted the general concept. The journaling is from this post. I'm thinking of making a Gratitude Album with similar pages.

For this page I used these kits:
Splash
A Pinch of This & A Dash of That
Spontaneous Delight

As for To-Do's this week, I'm not sure if I'll get to scrap too much, since I'm still pulling school together, and I'm trying to cut my computer time back. It's funny how fast it can creep up on you and before you know it whole days have been wasted.

How often do you find that you have to consciously cut back your computer time?

Not A Widow

Morning comes earlier than usual. Just a few minutes past 8, yet I am unusually alert. I get up and leave the children sleeping as I dress, find a drink and reach for the laptop to check hubby's direct deposit and pay the bills. He barrels in the front door, not an unusual occurrence around here. Yet, something is different about his energy even before I can see him. The bedroom door swings open and he utters the words I dread.

I'm having radiating chest pain, I need to go to the ER.

Flashback to 1997, when he was only 30, too young to have a heart attack. Yet, he did, and later a double bypass operation. Since that time I have lived with a vague but insistant sense of fear, the fear of becoming a widow.

I close my laptop and follow him into the kitchen where he is searching. I reach above the fridge and find it. A prescription bottle, and inside it another smaller bottle filled with tiny little white pills. Little micro life-saving pills. He puts one under his tongue and lays on the floor. I ask questions, he answers. My EMT training tells me we can gather the children and drive to the ER. No need to call 911. Still, in my heart, I am dialing 911. J-E-S-U-S.

Please don't let this be a heart attack.

I head down the hall and wake Ashley urgently. Get up, Daddy's having chest pain, we need to go to the ER. She complies. Back up the hall, a quick check on him and then it's back into my room to rouse the babies. Aspen first, and she cries. She hates to be woken and does not do well when rushed from sleep. I talk to her through her tears.

Daddy needs to go to the ER. You can be my helper, just like on Emergency, ok?

She cries harder, but I coax her, telling her what a great helper she can be and she comes around and begins to cooperate. I give her clothes and she tugs off pajamas and pulls on shorts, a t-shirt and dirty orange flip-flops. Abby has been woken by the crying and is whimpering, her eyes begging for more sleep. I pull her into my arms and search for a diaper, simultaneously calling out to hubby on the living room floor. Are you okay?

Yes, the nitro is working.

Flashback to 2005. I am 36 weeks pregnant and sitting in the waiting room of a cath lab, contemplating raising three children on my own. Considering that my baby might not know her father. Grace is on our side though. An artery is blocked but a stint placed in it will keep it open. No repeat heart attack, no repeat bypass surgery. No becoming a widow.

Ashley emerges, dressed. We pull together needed items. Diapers, wipes, bottles. Toys. A collection of prescription bottles and OTC things he's taken in recent days for the crud. Wallet. Car Key. From the living room he prompts us.

It's still hurting we need to go.

And then we're going. I'm glad the hospital is just a few minutes away. I wish I had lights and sirens like I did 15 years ago as a member of Ocean Park Rescue Squad. 15 years is a long time. So is the 5 minutes it takes us to drive to the hospital.

The next nine hours involve EKGs, IVs, bloodwork. The pain subsides and is replaced by a throbbing headache thanks to a nitro patch on his chest. The heart monitor alarms obnoxiously and frequently, claiming PVCs and other bad things. It's claims are blessedly false, caused by electrodes not sticking well to chest hair. The “silence alarm” button is our friend throughout the day.

We watch cable TV, and play with the little ones, the passing hours punctuated by tests, bathroom breaks and trips to the cafeteria. Test results are negative for a heart attack, the symptoms do not reappear, and a doctor with a charmingly thick accent gives us a get-out-of-jail-free card at 5ish in the evening. Discharge takes another chunk of time and then, at last, we are free.

The cool evening air and gentle drizzle of rain caresses us as we make our way to our car, a family, together still. Driving home I think of words I blogged yesterday: a partner who sometimes is not. Guilt looms but I ask my Jesus forgiveness and He grants it unconditionally. And I forgive myself, unwilling to feel badly for expressing what is true. Still, I ponder, a sometime partner is better than no partner, right?

I breathe a quiet prayer of thanks to my Jesus. I am not a widow. Not today.

A Breath of Grace

Once again, undeserving in my sinful heart, I've been blessed with healing words and some inspiration from the Faithful One.

He never gives up on me. I might give up on me, were I my own Heavenly Father. After all, I fall short in every way, every day. Yet He loves me. I take my eyes off of Him so easily, distracted by self, by anger, by impatience, by illness. Yet, He is there, constant, patiently waiting for me to return.

On this, day 6 of us all being down with varying degrees of the crud, He is there. Fevers, coughs, aches and pains, gunky eyes, and runny noses are the rhythm of our days. This on top of the already strained energy swirling around a little girl struggling so hard for time with me, and attention that used to belong exclusively to her. At times she holds us all hostage, a little mini cyclone of upset, angry I-hate-yous and fine-I-wont-ever-play-with-you-agains and accusations that I don't love her.

But oh how I do love her! She is so precious to me. This breaks my heart. I too miss the days when it was just the two of us, but since it will not be again, we must both work to move past it. We must grow, and love anew and cherish our shortened time even more. A tall order, with a baby to care for, a teen needing more freedom and mothering too, and a partner who sometimes is not.

I laid it all at the feet of this Father, this one who refuses to abandon me. I am like my own little child, I cry and carry on and demand He fix my problems now. I have my own spiritual temper tantrums. What begins as prayer sometimes deteriorates into a gripe session.

Yet, He is still there. Still patient, loving and kind. I know I must strive to be like Him in these days.

Today I was blessed by this post and again by this one. I passed on both to Ashley, my beautiful amazing woman-child. Father God has been so faithful in providing me guidance for her as she slowly blossoms under the new sun of brand-new belief.

In my Father's model I find still more answers to the questions swirling around in my heart. He speaks to me through His actions and His faithful, loving presence.

Wordless Wednesday

Eager reader, or librarian's worst nightmare?

Wordless Wednesday

Sunday Scrappin': May 16

It's Sunday again and that means it's time for Sunday Scrappin'. This is a GREAT way to get inspired, meet other crafters and share your creations, so please drop over and join today!

I didn't get too much done this week because I spent a lot of my computer time doing homeschool stuff. I've decided on an organizational system and we've started converting our playroom into a playroom/classroom set up. Aspen is really excited about this and I am too. I'll be posting pics as we go.

Now, on to scrappin'! My TA-DA's this week are:




I really enjoy doing age/stage pages (say that 3 times fast!) because they are perfect for noting all those cute little fleeting things kids do that only last the blink of an eye. Milestones, beloved toys, amusing habits and more are just the kinds of things I want to remember.

Credits for these pages are:
Two Soon
Spring Breeze
Bountiful
Splash
A Pinch of This & A Dash of That
Fly Me To The Moon

As for TO-Do's this week, I'll probably do some photo organizing and then work from my Digi Projects folder. When I download my camera's memory card onto my computer, I save the pics to folders labelled by month. Then I go through and choose pictures for layouts, do cropping/color correcting and then save the under Digi Projects in a folder with the layout title or subject. Then, when I'm ready to scrap the pictures are ready and I can jump right in.

How do you organize your photos?

Joyful Science

Our caterpillars have emerged from their cocoons as moths! It happened on Monday. As we were preparing to leave the house, Ashley happened to glance into the jar and there was Biscuit, the larger of the two, perched on a branch. We're not sure how long he'd been there, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't in there the day before when I looked.






We all ooohed and aahed and then took the jar outside to release him. As we started to remove the cheesecloth we spotted Cookie, also now a moth, trying to get out. As soon as the cloth was off, Cookie flew out and was gone in the blink of an eye. Biscuit, however, sat firmly planted on his twig, even after we took it out of the jar. After a minute or two he tried to fly but couldn't seem to stay in the air, so we placed him carefully back in the same tree where we originally found him, and he started munching fresh leaves. Hopefully after that he was able to fly. We told Aspen that would be the case anyway.



Overall this project was a great success and she is now totally into doing science projects. Later that evening she was so eager that Shawn sat down with her and made a mini volcano out of a baby food jar and foil. Baking soda in the bottom of the jar and some red tinted vinegar brought it fizzing to life, to Aspen's delight. Later a couple of Alka-Seltzer tablets and more vinegar gave it a little more ooomph, and a great time was had by all.



And I'm grateful. For caterpillars in jars and moths in flight. For baking soda and vinegar and the wonder of a child's delight. For the awakening of curiosity and the fueling a little person's desire to do and learn. And for the beautiful, incredible blessing of being their mom.

My Own Resurrection

The practice of Intentional Gratitude already has really made a difference in my life. I feel so open and in tune with God, and He is speaking to me clearly and meeting even the smallest of needs in unexpected ways.

Today He taught and inspired me with a warm and wonderful post by Ann at A Holy Experience. Please read it here. It is short but filled with wisdom, and it both convicted and uplifted me today. In it Ann shares how she is reminded, in a moment of irritation with a child, how as Christians we must "show our resurrection". Moment by moment we must allow our old selves to die and the new us, who we are in Christ, must be shown. This is not something that automatically happens. It is an action we must take, a conscious choice we make over and over again. Ephesians 4:22-24 explains it this way.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Shortly after reading Ann's post I had the chance to put this into practice. Aspen (age 5) and Abby (9mos) were playing on the floor together. I looked down just in time to see Aspen aggressively snatch a toy from Abby's hand and knock her over backward in the process. Abby cried and my anger flared. I wanted to scold, to yell, to be unkind. But I remembered the phrase Ann mentioned: "show me your resurrection"...

I swallowed my angry words as I knelt on the ground with both children. While stroking and comforting the baby I was warmed to see Aspen comfort her too and say she was sorry for making her fall down. I asked her, honey why did you do that?

Because she can't play with that one, it's small, she could choke.

I examined the toy and sure enough, it was one that I'd said not to give her, for that very reason. I was filled with guilt, but the Lord quickly replaced it with peace, as I hugged her and thanked her for being a good sister. In that moment we were filled with love, and victorious in Christ. There was no yelling, no rebellious back talk, no harsh words or punishment. There was simply us, expressing love together. And there was Gratitude.

Shortly after I confessed to Ashley (17) that I have been a terrible example, and shared the post with her and we made a stride forward, spiritually.

Later, my hubby came in from work with a small box in his hands. I brought you something, he proudly announced. Inside the box were small blessings, small gifts the Lord had provided. A pink plastic cup full of white plug caps to protect tiny fingers from exposed electrical outlets. A handful of baby bottle nipples, still wrapped in plastic, to replace ones we've lost recently. And a sealed can of powdered baby formula to donate to our Food Pantry at church. Perhaps the latter may be the most precious blessing, as with it came these words from my hubby: and you can take this to church to donate....what a miracle in that breath! These words from a man who not long ago would not allow me to give or donate anything to the church. Just last Sunday we argued briefly over my desire to donate some of our baby food, varieties I know Abby will not eat and they will go to waste. Yet he would not let them go, not to the church. Now in this gesture today there is a change of heart, a softening. In it I find hope for his resurrection.

And the Lord's lesson was not lost on me. The more I show him my resurrection, the more chance he has to seek his own. It wasn't about provision, it was about salvation. Again, I felt gratitude.

Later still, we visited the little historic train depot in the middle of town, and climbed around in an old caboose from 1965. Then Aspen enjoyed running down a ramp outside the depot and then walked along the edge of it, outside the railing. As I watched her carefully place one foot in front of the other I thought, that is what it must be like truly walking with Christ. We must take careful steps, and hold on to Him for support the whole way. I shared this with Ashley and she agreed. And again, there was gratitude.

Gratitude for His presence with me, for His use of my precious children to teach me, and gratitude for the chance to show others the most powerful testimony there is: my own resurrection.

Intentional Gratitude

Ann is doing something wonderful at A Holy Experience. About Gratitude Monday she writes: "Giving thanks for a thousand graces has changed my life -- to glorify Him in all things!" and I find myself excited by the prospects. So, without a specific goal in mind, other than to praise and glorify our loving God for his multitude of blessings, I begin today.

Today I Thank Him For:

#1 The precious baby asleep in my arms. She looks a tad boyish in her consignment store khaki shorts and blue/green/yellow/white striped top. The gentle rise and fall of her breath and the warmth of her small body stretched across my lap soothe me and awaken the love in my soul. Her tiny hands remind me of all of life's potential, of all of the things she will touch and do in her life. Small, chubby feet remind me that I must walk carefully, and keep my own feet on the heels of Jesus. Her precious sleeping expression awakens the love in my heart and drives back worry and impatience.






#2 My beautiful third-born daughter, who refuses to let me skip church even when I really want to. When she was just a tiny baby, and life was so hard and at times felt so empty, I returned to my Christian faith and accepted Christ into my heart. I did it for her, because of her, because I wanted better for her than our barren lives could then give. The Lord has been faithful in His promises since, and I know I might not have claimed them, if not for her.




#3 Toys strewn across the living room floor, reminding me of the amazing blessing of being entrusted with the care of small children. When my oldest was born, my Grandmother said to me, "That's a sacred trust." Those words have carried with me throughout my 21+ years of parenting.

#4 My 5-year-old's recent bad behavior. While it's been stressful, it has forced me out of my sometimes lazy parenting patterns and forced me to trust God for guidance. He has been faithful in providing that guidance as well as lessons that have touched my heart and softened me, and helped magnify my love for her one hundred fold. He truly can turn anything into a blessing, even whining.

#5 Times when my hubby reall rises to the occasion of fatherhood, like tonight, when he hosted an impromptu science lesson for Aspen. Look for a post on this coming soon.



What are you thankful for today?

Lasik Vision Correction

This is a Sponsored Post written by me on behalf of Incendia Health. All opinions are 100% mine.

Vision is a health issue that I am interested in, because my Mom suffers from macular degenration, a condition that has caused her to lose the majority of her vision. At age 74, she has to use high powered lights and magnifiers to do her art, something she is passionate about. It breaks my heart to see her struggle to do what she loves. That's why I accepted the opportunity offered to me by Incendia Health to write about their recent "Gotta See This Now" iLASIK Video Contest. Post lasik patients submitted videos showing the impact of improved vision on their lives.

Although Lasik surgery won't help my Mom with her vision problems, it can help many people to be able to enjoy doing their favorite things more. It can correct vision issues and free patients from the need to keep up with glasses or deal with the hassles of contact lenses. I can't imagine what it must be like to have vision problems, since, blessedly I don't yet. I do expect to one day though, since the macular degenration is hereditary, as are some other vision difficulties. In the meantime, I enjoyed watching all the creative videos submitted for the contest.

Limks to the winners of the iLASIK Video Contest are listed below. Enjoy!

$5,000 Grand Prize
"You Gotta See This Music Video” by Alex

The rest of the winners won HDTV packages valued at $2500(first prize) or Flip UltraHD Camcorders valued at $199.99 (second prizes).

Category 1: My Contacts Are Getting In The Way Of My Good Time
First Prize: “You Gotta Be Kidding Me! A True Story” by Robbo

Second Prize: “Contacts Stink” by windysail

Category 2: My Favorite Sport Or Activity Would Be So Much Cooler With Better Vision
First Prize: “iLASIK Would Make Surfing More Enjoyable” by jhbmw007
Second Prize: “Foggy Riding” by Snowman

Category 3: You Should See Life After The iLASIK® Procedure
First Prize: “Orbs Of Perfection” by Danny V
Second Prize: “Army LASIK” by ahowalton

Blessed In My Weakness

I wanted to skip church today. I'm ashamed to admit it, but it's the truth. I dawdled in bed this morning hoping that we would all just oversleep. God knew I needed to go. He had a message for me, one I desperately needed to hear. One Ashley needed to hear. He had a Mother's Day gift for us: the truth of His Word. He would not allow us to miss it.

He woke Aspen, and used her to motivate me out of bed. Her heartbroken tears at the thought of not going got me up and moving even though we only had 20 minutes to get four females up, dressed, fed and out the door. Ashley skipped her usual long hair curling ritual. I threw on my clothes and helped Aspen dress. Shawn fed Abby and helped me dress her quickly. We were in the car by 9:04, only four minutes past our usual departure time.

The message? Marriage God's Way. I sat listening, and received a quadruple blessing. I was blessed because my needs and feelings about our difficulties were validated. I was blessed also in conviction, as I was reminded of my part in our marriage and my own failures and shortcomings. Perhaps the most joyful blessing though, was seeing Ashley blessed by the message as well. She has been moving closer to a spiritual awakening in the Lord for a while now, and today she too was touched and blessed by the lesson.

After we got home and enjoyed a delicious Mother's Day feast Shawn had prepared, I had the opportunity to follow up on the marriage sermon with this beautiful post on the love of Jesus. I've been praying for ways to glorify the Lord for my children that cannot be overshadowed by our marital issues, and here was the perfect lesson on love.

I was further blessed today in that in searching for the post I just mentioned, I found a link to this blog. The author's words ministered to my heart in just the way God knew I needed. I found guidance in this post, and this post in particular moved me deeply, to tears in fact.

As I sit writing this I feel humbled by all these blessings He heaped upon me today. I might have missed them, were it not for my precious little Aspen, who so loves to go to church. My cup truly does run over, and my heart is full.



Happy Mother's Day everyone!

Past, Present & Future

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. My hubby treated me to a very cool gift that I've been really wanting: a negative scanner! I'm so excited, because for years I've been itching to find a way to preserve the 21 years worth of negatives and slides I have in binders and bins in a closet. My old family pictures, from my childhood, are scattered amongst my siblings in boxes and are in no particular order, but the photographs of my family, my children's childhood, are organized and labeled. They could see our whole history in pictures if they wanted to drag out heavy albums, bins of grouped prints and box after box of slides. I'd like it to be easier. Plus, paper photographs and film deteriorate over time. I want to preserve them now, while I still can.

So, we trekked over to Best Buy and I picked up this little gem. I experimented with it last night, and I was overall pleased with the results. The image quality is pretty good for the money I spent. Anything better would cost me closer to the $500 and up range for a pro scanner. That's not likely to happen. I had a good time learning how to use it, and I found some cute pictures of my oldest, Kelly when she was just 2, with Shawn's grandmother, who recently passed away. I scanned those and sent them to his mom as a special Mother's Day gift from me. This one is my favorite:



While I was looking through some of my negatives an interesting thought came to me. I realized that for every picture that fills me with warm and wonderful memories, there is another one that makes me sad. Before I go any further, let me just say: if you are the person who feels that it's inappropriate for a woman to publicly say anything critical about her husband, then please stop reading this post and move on. If you understand that life and especially marriage is not always perfect and that sometimes a woman needs to share her thoughts, then by all means, read on. If you're a regular reader here then you know my DH is not always the model husband/father. He tries, sometimes, and I know he loves us, but he takes moods, has a bit of a mean streak, and often acts more like a spoiled teenage boy than a man. He's gotten better in recent years and matured in many ways, but looking back I wonder why I put up with him in our younger years. Of course, I wasn't an angel either so it would be unfair to heap all the blame for rough times on him.

That's what I tell myself anyway. I found myself questioning that logic as I flipped through pages of memories and came across image after image that does not represent the truth. There are so many of them. Pictures that look like happy family moments, but to me bring back unpleasant memories of conflict. There is one of him and Kelly when she was about 2. To anyone else it looks like they're examining the contents of a bucket together and that he's showing her something out of it. I remember that he was looking in the bucket and she was desperately wanting to be included. He was angry with me over some petty argument, and being mean to her was his childish way of getting back at me. Another image a few years later is a shot of him holding Ashley when she was a baby, and she was asleep with her head on his shoulder. The untrained viewer sees that and says, oh how sweet, but I know better. I know that he was in a terrible mood that day and was mean to everyone.

I don't share these memories with the kids (or anyone really) very often. My older girls know, because they experienced it. Things are better for the little girls, because these days there is a lot less outright meanness and petty cruelty. They don't experience Mean Daddy nearly as much as they do stare-at-the-video-game-and-ignore-everyone-and-everything-Dad. And they get fun-to-play-with-creative-and-silly-Daddy a lot more often as well. I'm thankful for that.

I suppose everyone looks back on their past and sees the imperfect truth from time to time, right? Or, maybe not. Maybe he really is verbally abusive, as my sister likes to tell me. I feel like that was true a lot more all those years ago when I was snapping those pictures than it is today. He's still a big kid, but a much more mellow one. There's not anything I would characterize as abuse going on now, just a big lack of vision (maturity?) as to his role as a husband and father. He is a hard worker and a good provider, but deep down believes that is the extent of his responsibility. He believes it is his choice whether to participate or not in household chores, errands and parenting. Since I don't "work", that's all on me. When it comes to parenting and home management, my daughter Ashley is a stronger partner than he is. In moments of anger when I tell him he wouldn't last 5 minutes doing all that I do, he tells me to go out and earn a living. The thing is, I did that too, and the story was the same. When I was also working full-time, more hours than he was and making more money, all the domestic stuff was still 90% me. When I was working part-time and Aspen was a baby, I couldn't even count on him to care for
her while I worked, which is why now I don't.

I could spend my days stewing over all of this, but that would be pointless. The bottom line is that we've been together 21.5 years and have kids who need us both. We love them, they love us. We still love each other. I think we lack respect for each other more than we lack love. Sometimes things are good, sometimes not, but they're rarely ugly like they used to be. Neither of us would want to leave. I know, because we've discussed that in the recent past.

So, as I go into my 21st Mother's Day, I'm thankful for the positive changes that have taken place, and thankful that the Lord has blessed our marriage with four beautiful little girls. I'm appreciative of how hard my hubby works to provide for us and thankful that I am able to be at home with the children.

As I begin preserving our history, I'm thankful that we've made it this far, and I'm hopeful for our future.

Abbyisms

It's been my habit over the last few years to keep a record of cute little things that Aspen has said as her language has developed. We call these uniquely her phrases and statements her "Aspenisms". You can read more about these adorable moments here and here.

Now that Abby is beginning to really blossom verbally, I want to do the same with her. So, without further ado, here is our first list of "Abbyisms".

Her current list of words includes: mom, mama, dad, dada, and hi. She will try to say almost anything we coach her in and often gets syllable counts and general sounds right.

Her first round of unique Abbyisms includes the following:

"hey dad" Abby adores her Daddy. When he comes in the door she says "hey dad" and holds up her arms to be picked up. It's so cute.

"kit-taaaay" Abby's version of kitty and cat rolled into one.

"nye nye" Night-night, or "Mommy, I want to nurse and fall asleep in your arms please."

"ten" The word is very clear but we're not sure what she means by it.

"have dat" "Have that" which she says when she wants something we have or wants to give us an object. This is a rare one but when she comes out with it, it's priceless.

Stay tuned for more adorable "isms" to come from both girls.

Drifting

Today I was blog-hopping looking for some new recipes when I came across Life On The Sound. The author shared a link to one of her husband's sermons. It was a very powerful message titled Danger of Drifting. It's all about the hazards of turning our eyes from the Lord and allowing the world to lure us off the path of Jesus. We all know how easy it is, don't we? I know I do. I hope you will all take the time to listen to this important and uplifting message. I'm so glad I did because it was something I needed to hear today. It's short, only 30 minutes, and well worth it.

Autumn Digiscrap Album

I was going to wait until Sunday Scrappin' to post this but I'm so pleased with the end results that I decided to go ahead and share it tonight. As you know I've been working on digiscrap pages from our Pumpkin Patch and Halloween activities last fall. I finished those up tonight. just click on the slideshow to see the images up close. Here without further ado, is our Autumn Festivities Mini-Album: