My parents are moving here. I have been experiencing a myriad of emotions about this, ranging from joy to sadness to anticipation to fear. Since they began the process of refinancing their property in Virginia and buying a home here (just a few miles from us) I have been on a roller coaster ride between being their little girl and an adult ready to assume the responsibility of looking out for them.
The happy side of this is obvious. My parents are getting on in years, my Dad is nearly 80 and my mother is 75. Having them close by means that I will finally be able to have a close relationship with them. I'm happy about this because that's something I've missed. I'm also delighted that my kids will have the chance to grow up knowing them well instead of only seeing them for a few days a few times a year. It means holidays with family after years of living apart. Both of my parents have a lot of skills and talents to pass on to us and the kids, and I'm really excited about that. I'm looking forward to learning from them. I'm excited about cookouts, Christmas shopping and the swing set they've promised to put up in their backyard for the little girls.
I'm a little sad too though, because all of this has really brought to the surface the odd dynamic between my parents and my siblings and I. Right now they live next door to my sister, the eldest. She and my Dad were close, but she and my mom don't really get along. They used to be close but years of water under the bridge has really driven them apart and created a lot of resentment and bad will. Living next door to each other has only made that situation worse. Familiarity has bred contempt, as the old saying goes.
During this process I was put in the compromising position of having to keep it a secret from my sister, and also my older brother. He lives in Missouri and has been trying for years to get my parents to move out there. The reason I was asked to keep quiet was because my parents knew that both my brother and sister would try to talk them out of the move, for various reasons. They'd already made up their minds that they wanted to do it, and just didn't want any negative input.
They finally broke the news to my sister two days ago, and as I suspected, she was livid with me for not telling. They haven't told my brother yet because he's been on vacation. I'm a little concerned, at this point, that they may end up telling him after the fact, once they're already here. He's already going to be mad enough. If that happens then the proverbial "poop" may really hit the fan. I feel the urge to duck and cover.
Of course, I'm not the baby sister anymore, I'm a grown adult, as my sister pointed out in a less than kind manner. Ducking and covering really won't work. Since I will now be the one with the most direct contact with them, I'm now obligated to more regular contact with my sibs. I'm sad to say that's something I sometimes avoid. Long story, post for another time.
So, while there is a great deal of joy involved in this life-changing event, there are other emotions too. I'm trying to process them all and realizing that it's no small feat. Far beyond the scope of sibling issues is a much bigger issue for me. With Mom and Dad living just about 3 miles down the road from us, I am now basically responsible for them. I have no problem with taking on this role, but it is a little daunting, even scary at times.
Aside from their age, both my parents have some medical issues. My Dad is pretty healthy but he has had heart problems in the past and is diabetic. During their last few visits I've noticed that he seems to get confused easily, and has gotten pretty forgetful. Both his parents had Alzheimer's, so I'm concerned about that. My Mom has numerous health problems. She is close to being legally blind due to macular degeneration. She also has severe rheumatoid arthritis that requires high doses of meds to keep from crippling her. The meds have some scary side effects. She also has asthma and there is an ongoing debate as to whether she has some form of COPD. I am hoping a lot of that might clear up now that they are in a newer home with better air than the old 1950's house they live in now. Anyway, with all of this, I will have to be really vigilant in checking in on them and keeping an eye out for problems.
I'm also anticipating a few challenges like my Mom expecting me to take her side when they argue, and so forth. I could write a whole post in itself about their relationship and why on Earth they remarried, but I'm planning to stay as far out of that arena as I possibly can.
My life is about to change a lot. It's a good change but also a big responsibility. I would love to hear from those of you who have or currently are caring for elderly parents!