I received a lovely family treasure today from my Mom. This little book sat on the kitchen table in my Grandparents' house for as long as I can remember, and they read from it faithfully, every day. It is titled God's Minute: A Book of 365 Daily Prayers Sixty Seconds Long for Home Worship. Long title for such a little book.
Inside the book is just what the title suggests, a short prayer for each day of the year. But to me it is so much more than that. To me it is a piece of my childhood and a connection to my Grandparents, both now with Jesus. It's ancient, tattered and taped together with an old piece of duct tape, and it smells a little musty, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Inside the front cover, penned in ink is this: "To our good friend and radiant Christian, Mr. C.B. Gore. From Marjorie and William Davies Xmas 1953" 1953. It was a different time, and so was the time when I would often thumb through this book while seated at Grandma and Charlie's kitchen table. That was my Grandfather, my Grandma's second husband, Charles B Gore. He was, indeed a radiant Christian, and the most Christlike person I have yet to know.
Taped inside the front cover is a page torn from a pocket Bible. It's a page from Matthew and contains one of my favorite verses: Matthew 14:31-32 which reads: And immediately Jesus stretched forth His hand and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefor didst thou doubt? And when they came into the ship, the wind ceased.
Inside each page has a date, and on the correct dates my Grandmother noted family birthdays in her small precise handwriting.
It is such a precious thing, this little tattered smelly book. And it gives me pause to hold it and to wonder, will someday one of my children hold something from my parents that will mean this much to them, touch them this deeply? I hope so.
I love this picture. Aspen is playing an educational game on the Leapster. She's learning reading skills, but she and Abby both are learning much more important lessons from each other. How to interact, how to share and most importantly, how to love.
It's been my habit over the last few years to keep a record of cute little things that Aspen has said as her language has developed. We call these uniquely her phrases and statements her "Aspenisms". You can read more about these adorable moments here and here.
Last Spring I started keeping track of Abby's own "Abbyisms" here. Now that her languaage is really blossoming it's time for an update.
Mommy me Daddy her dad SisSis Aspen Aaassh Ashley Ahma Grandma DanDad Granddaddy marble! always said with glee, as she loves marbles my ball! another excited utterance, since she loves to play with any ball and thinks they all belong to her. baff bath off off, usually meaning a show she was watching is over un on dis this, usually meaning something she wants
When I prayed for God to determine the future of our family, I prayed for His hand in my heart. I prayed that if my desire for another child was in His plan, that He would make it happen. I also prayed that if it wasn't in His plans for us, that He would take away the desire.
He has answered those prayers. The desire has been waning, and I found myself relieved this past week when my period came right on time. Today my hubby and I talked about our lives, our family and our future, and decided that another baby, while a wonderful thought, is not the right thing for us.
It may seem selfish, but we came to the decision after realizing that we really would like some time in our lives for us. We've been raising children since we were 19 and 21. Each of our children has been a wonderful blessing, and we wouldn't change anything. But now that Aspen is turning 6 and Abby is just a few months away from 2, a non-baby household seems almost like a welcome relief. I find myself daydreaming of a diaper free existance. I look forward to more family time as the girls get older. There are a lot of things we want to do with and for our children, and we have future dreams and plans that would be much harder with another baby to care for.
I'm not as sad about this as I thought I would be. In fact, I'm at peace with it. It's that kind of deep peace you feel when you know it's God's guidance that has led you to the decision you've made.
I'm looking toward the future now with a renewed sense of peace and excitement. There are bright times ahead, times when Aspen will blossom into some independance, and Abby will be less Mommy-needy, times when my hubby and I can actually feel like husband and wife again rather that only parenting partners.
There are dreams we've talked about in the past that have been rekindled recently too, such as the possibility of someday owning and RV and traveling extensively, if not full-time, with the younger girls. I would still like to write, and continue my art dolls, and grow that into a full-fledged business to help my hubby provide for us. There are things he would like to do, and places he'd love to see.
I feel good about this, as though we were at a crossroads, and now that we've chosen a path, there is nothing but new possibilites awaiting us. It's a good feeling.